This is Los Angeles and….THIS is American Idol!

The guest host is Avril Levigne who, we are told,  is young enough to be a contestant herself.  As the episode unfolds, we see this for ourselves.  She is wearing a silly hoody with some kind of devil ears on top and she wears the hood throughout the audition day.

The first contestant is Neil Goldstein and he states his IQ is 168 (like we care).  I don’t know about you, but without knowing my own IQ, I’m smart enough to know that this is the first delusional of the night and he is going to stink to high heavens.  His hair is long, then it’s short, then it’s long, then it’s short.  What, did he get an awful haircut while waiting on line to audition or is he like one of those dolls where you push a button on his back and his hair grows?  Anyhow, he is very taken with himself and his singing comes from his heart, to the point where he draws a picture of a heart with lipstick on the mirror in the men’s room and puts his face in the middle of it.  Need I say more?  He IS going to stink. Big Time.  And he does.  He gets all sweaty and grosses out the women judges, talks to them ending each sentence with some glicky sound from his mouth and then starts to “sing” a song that goes “Remember all the things that I told you” and then he completely forgets the next line.  Simon said “Ironic”.  Of course he gets the boot, he insists he is NOT leaving, and of course it is all Simon’s fault because hours ago Simon came out of a room and the door hit Neil in the back so he blew the audition….whatever.

Jim Ranger is a worship pastor with a family and even though he sings great, young little devil hoody Avril votes “No” because she questions whether or not he can be a pop star with a wife and 3 kids.   He gets the gold ticket despite the guest judge’s better judgement.

Jayson Wilson, Jesse Change and Martin Perez….all No’s.

Next up is Damian Lefavor, marshal artist, doing his thing on the roof of the hotel.  If he sings anything like he kung fu’s, he’s done for.  And he is.  He can’t remember the name of one of the two Righteous Brothers songs that he’s going to sing and the judges give him both names and he picks one.  In his own words, “I choked badly.”  Off he goes into the sunset.

Mary Power comes in dressed over the top trying to look punky.  Avril chewing gum in her devil hoody loves the look, the older judges don’t.  Mary sings Love is a Battlefield and WOW, great voice.  Four yeses.

The next delusional up is A.J. Mendoza who claims he made a demo and shopped it to Adam Lambert who told him he was great.  Makes you wonder which one of them was lieing.  He does some crazy movement with his mouth as he sings and Simon compared him to someone at the dentist with novocaine and dental stuff in their mouth. 

We’re done for the day and I’m so done with Avril.  Bring on Katy Perry.

Austin Fullmer goes all spastic with Mick Jagger facial expressions.  He is one disturbed young man.  One of his friends later tells him “Don’t be surprised if Katy calls you later.”  More delusions.

Then 14 cry babies.  Then Andrew Garcia.  His father cries at the kitchen table through the interview, they were involved with gangs, Andrew is a fine young man. Gosh I hope he can really sing for his father’s sake!  Yey, he doesn’t stink.  In fact, he’s GREAT.  Simon calls him a “genuinely genuine good good singer.”  Four yeses.

Tasha Layton, the personal assistant by day and pastor by night, is really good.  Four yeses.

Now for the delusional of all delusionals:  Jason Greene, “I Touch Myself”. All I can say is one word….Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  My 12 year old son said “Save me Mom, take the mad man away!”  LOL   Jason starts posing all over the place with himself and I’m thinking “Oh, Man, get a room….by yourself!”  Katy feels dirty and he is sent packing.  He gives Ryan his phone number and Ryan tells him “Believe as much as you may want of what you read but..” and then gives Jason’s number to the huge bouncer.

There’s a car commercial staring that guy who won last year.

OK, so now I totally love Katy.  For reasons that we’ll never know because they’ve been edited out of the show, but Katy is now feuding with Kara and putting her down big time.  Kara tries to mock her by singing “I kissed a dolphin and I liked it” and Katy goes “I want to throw her coke in her face”.  Go Katy, so do I.

Last audition of the show is Chris Golightly (I wonder if he’s a relative of Johnny Comelately?).  Poor Chris grew up in 25 different foster homes and it’s heartbreaking, so I’m hoping he can really sing.  He sings Stand By Me and it’s beautiful.  Kara makes some remark about what a tough life Chris has had and Katy goes “This is not a lifetime movie sweetheart.”   I’m telling you, I love Katy!!  Four yeses.  Chris goes to Hollywood.

Well, see you tomorrow for the Denver auditions.