Project Run(a)way | S6Ep3 | Please grind some sand into the crack of my butt while dressing me like an unmedicated mental patient on a field trip to the beach! Thanks!

Hello again, darlins. The runway ripping Rabbit here. Or as Tim said on this week’s episode, “The Prophet of Doom…” I know I never came back last week with Part Two of the show, but I just couldn’t figure out how to convey an hour’s worth of dry heaving and eye rolling to fill up yet another blog.

This week is NO better. I am not sure what happened to PR this season. Is it all the smog in L.A. ? Did all the Christians and Kinleys and Austins know something we don’t and are instead sitting in their mother’s basement sewing furiously because they would rather combat the mildew problem and hungry street rats than be associated with what this show has become? I know I would. It’s just down right embarrassing this year. Please step away from the sewing machine you obviously have no what-the-effedness using and go sit down in a corner somewhere. Preferably with a bag (sewn by someone else) on your head and shut the heck up.

For this week’s challenge, the dragged the band of pasty crackheads to the beach for a surf inspired assignment. They are to create something inspired by the polluted oceans and garbage riddled beaches. The producers had apparently gone crawling around under the boardwalk and found some riff and raff for the “designers” to converse with for ideas, and we were treated to Tim’s feet. Freak the fart out. Is that really necessary? Slap a moon boot on those ghosts of Vienna sausages past. I could have lived the rest of my young, queer life without seeing that!

Anyway, it is also revealed, for dramatic effect, that this will be a partner’s challenge. Whoopiddy Doo flopping Dah. Q’ball and Epperson end up together; Ramon and The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home; The Goat Herder and Grease Slick; I forget the rest. It’s really not that important… You get the idea. Off to Mood to buy the ugliest fabrics in the store… Which, by the way, what the heck is up with that??? I have been to Mood. It’s a designers wet dream. Yet week and again, these jackholes manage to find THE UGLIEST mess available. It’s like they are shopping from the bargain bin at JoAnne’s fabric in Butt Punch, Texas… I don’t get it. Though I can say that Q’ball must have taken her meds because she manage to make it through the Mood experience this week without falling out in the floor and foaming at the mouth again. Way to go, Thorazine!

Back at the workroom/asylum, the nipple twist for this episode is these freaks ALSO have to design a corresponding “Avant Garde” design, and the hilarity ensues. The Goat Herder and Grease Slick have taken the short bus gone to 1970s Camp for the Mentally Impaired in the mountains of Kentucky and have shredded a t-shirt and made a macrame bikini and home ec wrap pants (which you can make for yourself in about five minutes, following this tutorial).

For their AG look, they are microwaving organza and making butt-less/crotch-less lace hooker chaps to go over a 1982 prom dress. Someone REALLY needs to get this girl a goat. A large one. We need a huge ol’ sweater to cover this mess up. Grease declares in the midst of all this, with great disdain, “No animal prints… Ever.” Ummm… Honey, and unwashed elephant’s butt would be an improvement. Seriously. Another gem of verbal diaherra from our favourite slimy haired has-not-been, “I’m afraid my garment’s going to look like a blue tranny.” Again, if that were the case, it would be a vast improvement on what’s currently going on…

Across the room we have Ramon and The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) contribution to gay fashion hell. Psycho-delic sheer drapes and bondage gear…

Inspired by a wet-suit, Ramon slipped in a puddle, bonked his head, and came up with the idea that Catwoman was beach wear. Tim, the now self proclaimed Prophet of Doom nixes that idea with a quickness. Sayeth Doom Prophet: “I feel like I’m in a cartoon with a super hero…” You are Tim. But this aint it. Trust. So away goes The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home (and Contributes Nothing) to annoy someone else in the workroom, while Ramon comes up with a brilliant idea to chunk a Sham-Wow! into a shoe box of dye and make a dress that doubles as a car wash. Dirty Ford? Don this get up and go to town!!!

Anyway, long story short. It sucks. Q’ball and Epps are doing a George and Weezy routine. Scissors become weapons. Turtle Hannah and Sharin are uninspiring… I can’t even recall what the rest of the inmates are doing. The nausea and migraine are such at this point that I am dizzy… Onto the runway.

Miss Kors is yet again MIA. Not that anyone blames her. I think after Ari Stardust on episode one, Miss Kors’ overly orange behind jumped ship. Travesties abound on models that can’t walk. Blah blah blah. The least offensive of the worst are sent back to the kennel. The end leaves Ramon and The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) standing there with their drapes and Sham-Wow! gown. The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) gives us his best “I pooped…” face yet again – Heidi barks – Ramon babbles – The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) poops some more – Ramon babbles some more – judges praise… My barf bag is overflowing. The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) finally gets sent home. Ramon’s car washer woman dress wins. Whooo.

This is Project Runway now?

“Fundamentally, I don’t get it.”

And to be perfectly frank, I don’t want it.

(And apparently, I am not the only one!)

September 6, 2009 I Written By

Project Runway S6.Ep2: “Egg Sacs, Pregnancy Scares & Special Deliveries, Part 1″

Hello darlings. Your favourite runway ripping Rabbit here. What on Earth has happened to Project Runway this season? When they were being yanked back and forth in the tussle between Bravo and Lifetime did they bonk their head??? I thought the crap fashions from the last episode were perhaps cherry poppin’ jitters with the new network, new location, new crackheads designers – but this week, Good Lord, Miss Scarlet!!! Tear them drapes down and cover this mess the hell up. Even my boyfriend seems about over it all – and Tim is usually the nice one…

The challenge for the week was Pregnancy Chic. (I won’t even comment on that one.) They brought out an “actual celebrity” (quoth Heidi) to design for: a very pregnant with twins, Rebecca Romin. They were instructed to create something fashionable with a beautiful silhouette for any occasion on a hundred buck budget. I should have just shot the t.v. right then and there. Fortunately, I was tired last night and the shot gun was in the back room.

From there on out, it just went rollin’ on down the hill like Proud Mary on acid. Rollin’… Rollin’… Rollin’… Away they went to Mood where I am convinced they must pump angeldust through the air-conditioning ducts because every time Qristal gets up in there she goes ape poop bananas… Last week she was snatchin’ scissors out of the package and cuttin’ her own fabric – this week she’s runnin’ in circles, hyperventilating and clucking like a chicken…

Speaking of chickens – and angeldust – back at the lab Malvin the Martian must have misunderstood Pregnancy Chic and heard Pregnancy Chick, instead. Home Grill has decided to run with a “Mother Hen” (seriously, I am not making that up) concept that you know is going to be foul. More on that one later…

Muttering Mitchell that Never Shuts Up has decided to actually clothe his model this week – how novel. He’s decide to make what looks like khaki boom boom shorts, a t-shirt, and a sweater. He sums himself up far better than I ever could: “I don’t want to go out on a limb to win this challenge…” No worries there, kiddo. The shorts he produces from the now weeping sewing machine are beyond enormous. I understand the idea of the swelling of the hiney during the gestation period, but come on!!! You could fit two Nell Carters in there along with Ricki Lake during her John Water’s Hairspray days… Mercy sakes alive, girls. And this is the kid that has previously designed commercially for pregnant women? On what (insanely large) planet?!?!? I don’t even know…

Okay. Boring… Boring… Boring… Cut back to Malvin the Martin and Tim assessing the work (?) in progress. What in gay, barnyard hell is going on? This whackbag has designed the poor girl an egg sac. A giant knitwear egg sac with black feathers underneath – and is planning on jodhpurs so it will look like “chicken thighs.” Even Tim is aghast. Chicken thighs? On the runway??? Tim gently reminds this toon of looney that it is probably not the best of ideas to make a pregnant woman’s rump look any bigger than it already is. Malvin goes on yammering about his concept in Martianese as Tim wanders away to warn one of the other designers, “Don’t be safe. …without being coo-coo. Coo-coo’s already happened.” Never a truer statement uttered in Project Runway history. And we’re only about halfway through the show at this point.

The highlight for me that had me wetting down my own leg in hysterical laughter was during a commercial break. In this midst of all this pregnancy madness appears a commercial for Nuva Ring. I died. I applauded the brilliance of marketing. I had to wonder how many women leapt up and sprinted out their door for the closest Nuva Ring Vending Machine in fear that they would become pregnant and be forced to wear these fashions. It’s better than the scary anatomy lessons they teach in school for sex ed. Show this episode of Project Runway in high schools across the lands and there will never be another child born – EVER! The Earth’s population will stop growing altogether in a single season!!! Who knew? Sales for birth control will now skyrocket thanks to our illustrious designers…

To be continued – on the runway. I need a drink.

Stay tooned,

August 28, 2009 I Written By

New Episode of Project Runway this Thursday!

Hello, my darlings! The second installment of PR is upon us! Be sure to tune it Thursday night at 10 PST to see the latest fashionable drama and dramatic fashions – and, of course, check back here for my ever rabbity take on things as I hop (up and) down (on) the runway!

In the meantime, check out this preview of tomorrow night’s show from Lifetime:

Stay Tuned!!!

August 26, 2009 I Written By

PR: Let the Games Begin!

Greeting and Salutations my fellow Fashionistas, Divas, and Fashion Victims!

Sorry for the delay in posting, but was letting everyone get caught up with the premiere episodes online Saturday morning before I went hopping all over the runway.

Thursday night brought us three and a half hours of Project Runway insanity. First with the All-Stars debacle; then the premiere itself; followed by Models of the Runway – a boring behind the scenes look at the walking coathangers that work the catwalk on the show… Yawn.

I won’t even go into the All-Stars Challenge. Suffice it to say, we’ve seen it before: Santino’s an ass; Sweet P’s an angel; Jefferey is arrogant; Cornhole is ethnic; Chris is sleepy; the fashions were expected… I was so thrilled when I heard about the ASC, but before it was over I was doing the dishes and making cookies… It was just a disappointment all around. Daniel won if anyone gives a squirt. Though I must admit I was a bit intrigued by Daniel’s homage to suicide bombers…

DanielV1Thar she blows!!!

Anyway, onto the third hour of the night: the new season of Project Runway itself. Gurrl… we certainly have a cast of characters this season!!! Leave it to L.A. to bring out the more colourful contestants.


johnnyMethHeadio the Gay Meathead (aka Johnny) had a meltdown. He almost quit the show (yes, already) because he can’t hack it. Undoubtedly this is his third time trying out for the show; he didn’t make it previously because he had an “addiction problem,” which we heard about over and over again for the duration of the show. At one point, during his meltdown, he sat in the lounge, cried on a tacky pillow and had Tim stroke his ego for all the world to see. Hooker. He decided to stay on the show because someone cared, blew his nose on the aforementioned and now violated pillow, and made some butt crack (homage?) revealing red mess of a dress for the runway… Which the judges loved??? WTH? Did MethHeadio share his crack with them??? It was A WRECK. Seriously. I just went and pulled a tablecloth from my linen closet and made the EXACT same dress with four safety pins… Give me a break.

mitchellDr. Smock (aka Mitchell) did just that: smocked for the entirety of the show – and wouldn’t shut the cluck up about it. His model then showed up and was upteen sizes bigger (a whole five inches!!!) than she should have been (must have eaten too many tictacs for breakfast), so Dr. Smock ripped the Victorian turtle neck (smocked mind you) off his fashion, draped her in cheescloth and sent her naked self down the runway…

arifishThen we had The Girl Who Fell From Space (and Bounced) (aka Ari). She mediated with her fabic; spoke to it. And gave us half of a metallicy dress made from the walls of the padded room on the Mothership. Whackadoo Fashions from Outer Space. Maxwell Demon would have been proud. Nina, however, was not. She laid into her in true Nina style. Spacegirl was unphased though. She was pleased with her creation which I guess is all that count. Guest judge, Lindsay Lohan, however made a good point to the tune of it being great if the designer loves it, but ultimately the consumer who is to purchase it might ought to like it as well. Needless to say, Ziggy Angeldust was sent home to the waiting mothership.

gordanaAnd the quote of the evening from a Lonely Goat Herder (aka Gordana), who kinda reminds me of an older, butcher Uli: “If you give me a sheep, I can make you a sweater.”

christopherThe winning design, ironically enough came from the uneducated designer of the bunch (which he was quick to remind us for the entire hour), Christopher. He made a flirty little cocktail dress of what looks like crumpled bits of colourful garbage bags over a dingy little ruffled number. Woo. Maybe it’s just me, but it looks like belted, gothic astro-turf with someone’s hacked off dirty petticoat underneath… You decide:

Project+Runway+Season+6+Episode+1+Christopher+Straub+0 copy

It’s gonna be one heck of a season. Talk about making it work; because thus far, they certainly aren’t working it.

Love & Slack,

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August 24, 2009 I Written By

“You’re In!” Project Runway Returns!

Hello my fellow fashionistas! Rabbit here… Tonight welcomes the long awaited and much anticipated return of one of my all time favourite shows: Project Runway!!! I am so excited I can barely stay in my Christian Siriano Payless Pump!

Festivities kick off tonight at 8 pm et/pt with the All Stars Challenge featuring past designers competing against one another for a chance to win $100,000!!! Then – FINALLY – the new season kicks of at 10 pm et/pt – and is immediately followed by the new Models of the Runway show at 11 pm et/pt. Three and a half needle threading nail biting hours! Woo hoo!

Stay tuned also for my recaps of the show!

More to come, girls (and that one boy over there hiding in the corner)!

Peace, Love & McQueen,
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p.s. Project Runway is now on LifetimeNOT Bravo, in case you didn’t know! Wouldn’t want you to miss it!

August 20, 2009 I Written By

60th Primetime Emmy Awards

The 60th Primetime Emmy Awards ceremony will be awarded on Sunday, September 21st 8/7c. on ABC.

Here are a few of the nominations:

Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality-Competition Program

American Idol
Ryan Seacrest, Host

Dancing With The Stars
Tom Bergeron, Host

Deal Or No Deal
Howie Mandel, Host

Project Runway
Heidi Klum, Host

Survivor
Jeff Probst, Host

Outstanding Choreography

Dancing With The Stars • Routine: Mambo / ‘Para Los Rumberos’
Julianne Hough, Choreographer

High School Musical 2 • Routines: ‘What Time Is It?’, ‘Fabulous’, ‘Work This Out’, ‘I Don’t Dance’, ‘You Are the Music In Me’, ‘For One’
Kenny Ortega, Choreographer
Charles Klapow, Choreographer
Bonnie Story, Choreographer

So You Think You Can Dance • Routine: Hummingbird and Flower / ‘The Chairman’s Waltz’
Wade Robson, Choreographer

So You Think You Can Dance • Routine: Transformers / ‘Fuego’
Shane Sparks, Choreographer

So You Think You Can Dance • Routine: Table / ‘Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)’
Mandy Moore, Choreographer

Outstanding Cinematography For Reality Programming

Carrier • Rites Of Passage

Project Runway • En Garde!

Survivor • Just Don’t Eat The Apple

The Amazing Race • Honestly, They Have Witch Powers Or Something

Top Chef • Finale (Part 1)

Outstanding Reality-competition Program

American Idol

Dancing With The Stars

Project Runway

The Amazing Race

Top Chef

Outstanding Reality Program

Antiques Roadshow

Dirty Jobs

Extreme Makeover Home Edition

Jeanne Kazumi Petrone, Produced By
Intervention

Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List

Get the complete list of nominations Emmy Nominations

September 10, 2008 I Written By