Project Run(a)way | S6Ep3 | Please grind some sand into the crack of my butt while dressing me like an unmedicated mental patient on a field trip to the beach! Thanks!
Hello again, darlins. The runway ripping Rabbit here. Or as Tim said on this week’s episode, “The Prophet of Doom…” I know I never came back last week with Part Two of the show, but I just couldn’t figure out how to convey an hour’s worth of dry heaving and eye rolling to fill up yet another blog.
This week is NO better. I am not sure what happened to PR this season. Is it all the smog in L.A. ? Did all the Christians and Kinleys and Austins know something we don’t and are instead sitting in their mother’s basement sewing furiously because they would rather combat the mildew problem and hungry street rats than be associated with what this show has become? I know I would. It’s just down right embarrassing this year. Please step away from the sewing machine you obviously have no what-the-effedness using and go sit down in a corner somewhere. Preferably with a bag (sewn by someone else) on your head and shut the heck up.
For this week’s challenge, the dragged the band of pasty crackheads to the beach for a surf inspired assignment. They are to create something inspired by the polluted oceans and garbage riddled beaches. The producers had apparently gone crawling around under the boardwalk and found some riff and raff for the “designers” to converse with for ideas, and we were treated to Tim’s feet. Freak the fart out. Is that really necessary? Slap a moon boot on those ghosts of Vienna sausages past. I could have lived the rest of my young, queer life without seeing that!
Anyway, it is also revealed, for dramatic effect, that this will be a partner’s challenge. Whoopiddy Doo flopping Dah. Q’ball and Epperson end up together; Ramon and The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home; The Goat Herder and Grease Slick; I forget the rest. It’s really not that important… You get the idea. Off to Mood to buy the ugliest fabrics in the store… Which, by the way, what the heck is up with that??? I have been to Mood. It’s a designers wet dream. Yet week and again, these jackholes manage to find THE UGLIEST mess available. It’s like they are shopping from the bargain bin at JoAnne’s fabric in Butt Punch, Texas… I don’t get it. Though I can say that Q’ball must have taken her meds because she manage to make it through the Mood experience this week without falling out in the floor and foaming at the mouth again. Way to go, Thorazine!
Back at the workroom/asylum, the nipple twist for this episode is these freaks ALSO have to design a corresponding “Avant Garde” design, and the hilarity ensues. The Goat Herder and Grease Slick have taken the short bus gone to 1970s Camp for the Mentally Impaired in the mountains of Kentucky and have shredded a t-shirt and made a macrame bikini and home ec wrap pants (which you can make for yourself in about five minutes, following this tutorial).
For their AG look, they are microwaving organza and making butt-less/crotch-less lace hooker chaps to go over a 1982 prom dress. Someone REALLY needs to get this girl a goat. A large one. We need a huge ol’ sweater to cover this mess up. Grease declares in the midst of all this, with great disdain, “No animal prints… Ever.” Ummm… Honey, and unwashed elephant’s butt would be an improvement. Seriously. Another gem of verbal diaherra from our favourite slimy haired has-not-been, “I’m afraid my garment’s going to look like a blue tranny.” Again, if that were the case, it would be a vast improvement on what’s currently going on…
Across the room we have Ramon and The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) contribution to gay fashion hell. Psycho-delic sheer drapes and bondage gear…
Inspired by a wet-suit, Ramon slipped in a puddle, bonked his head, and came up with the idea that Catwoman was beach wear. Tim, the now self proclaimed Prophet of Doom nixes that idea with a quickness. Sayeth Doom Prophet: “I feel like I’m in a cartoon with a super hero…” You are Tim. But this aint it. Trust. So away goes The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home (and Contributes Nothing) to annoy someone else in the workroom, while Ramon comes up with a brilliant idea to chunk a Sham-Wow! into a shoe box of dye and make a dress that doubles as a car wash. Dirty Ford? Don this get up and go to town!!!
Anyway, long story short. It sucks. Q’ball and Epps are doing a George and Weezy routine. Scissors become weapons. Turtle Hannah and Sharin are uninspiring… I can’t even recall what the rest of the inmates are doing. The nausea and migraine are such at this point that I am dizzy… Onto the runway.
Miss Kors is yet again MIA. Not that anyone blames her. I think after Ari Stardust on episode one, Miss Kors’ overly orange behind jumped ship. Travesties abound on models that can’t walk. Blah blah blah. The least offensive of the worst are sent back to the kennel. The end leaves Ramon and The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) standing there with their drapes and Sham-Wow! gown. The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) gives us his best “I pooped…” face yet again – Heidi barks – Ramon babbles – The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) poops some more – Ramon babbles some more – judges praise… My barf bag is overflowing. The Loser Who Has Yet to Go Home’s (who actually contributes nothing) finally gets sent home. Ramon’s car washer woman dress wins. Whooo.
This is Project Runway now?
“Fundamentally, I don’t get it.”
And to be perfectly frank, I don’t want it.
(And apparently, I am not the only one!)